Balance to create beauty in Bonsai

 

A letter to my creative self

A letter to my Creative self.

It's unreal to me that I've spent 10yrs on youtube and have made 382 videos, that I shot, narrated, researched, directed, edited and posted about Bonsai and plants. Some videos take me 6yrs to make, just to show you a 15min video to educate and entertain others into horticulture. I guess I'm just nuts about trees. 

For that I am proud.

Where I am embarrassed most now, is that I suppressed the creative side of me in fear of social ridicule amongst my peers or that it would somehow affect how I was perceived in my career.

This dimmed my inner light.

With lots of introspection and inner dialogue, I want to live an unapologetic life. To live an honest life for me as a creative individual. 

But first, I think you should know this.

The year 2000 was when I lost my younger brother, Peter Nguyen. 

We both went to UW. I was studying art to become possibly a graphics designer. And he was studying business. I was already 2yrs into being an Art Major when we got the news at 3AM in the morning that Peter was found hanging in the basement of one of the fraternities.  I was broken, and the cry that came out of my chest didn't originate from my lungs, it was unfamiliar. It came from my broken heart. A crucial piece of it had suddenly vanished.  It left a void that I needed to close.  

Pesky frat brothers, hazing, his girlfriend broke up with him and to make it worse, he was rejected and failed to get into a top 20 business school. Maybe the pressure was too much for him...

To honor Peter, I abandoned ART and applied to Business school. My GPA probably wasn't the thing that pushed me over but it was perhaps the well crafted essay that I wrote from the heart that got me in. 

(That was my Creativity's last hurrah, her final sacrifice to help me succeed before I stifled her into my dark subconscious for the next 2 decades)

For 20yrs now I've been working sales and business. And rationalized that this was fine and it was my life that I chose. It wasn't.  It's given me a pretty good enough life though.  Right?...  

The signs that this did not align with my true self was that I was always distracted. And I never developed a passion for it.

Might have been the visit to Joshua Tree but I am not sure. They say you find your true self out there.  But for the last couple of weeks I have more clarity, and thinking back on it. I've been living Peter's dream and not mine. My stifled creative self has always been trying to remind me that she was still there. It wanted to be free.  It showed up in the form of my love for photography. Many people don't know that I've shot over 250 weddings quietly and have spent 10yrs making videos on youtube and now 7 intensive years practicing the art of Bonsai. Which is this beautiful marriage of art and horticulture.  I did all my creative work on the side and was afraid to highlight it in my masked life. It was there but I truly have never celebrated my creativity. Well today is the day to let it take the driver's seat and embrace my passion.

Well if you thought you knew me, this is the TRUE me. A person who is no longer embarrassed to share my creative content.

I want to start living the path that was truly meant for me. And be true to myself. This is not a leap of faith but a realignment to a path I started but have diverted from. 

So, I am not asking for likes, not asking to be accepted, not asking you to watch the stupid ads so that this month I can make a whopping $19.05 dollars in ad revenue. It's time to unravel the layers to show the true me. 

I have an abundant amount of creative dreams and I want to bring it to the forefront. Art, ideas, books, a way of thinking that helps people discover themselves. I want to share it with pride. So this post is to introduce you to my whole self. My TRUE Self.

And that is as a god damn creative son of a bitch who loves plants.

Come enjoy my videos if you like and want to learn more about plants and bonsai. Or if you just want to support me as a friend. Because I do pour my heart and soul into making these videos. To make them fun, yet educational. I've never done it to profit from because it was a passion and came natural to me.  I had a stable job that I can rely on, so I never shared it to get more subscribers. 

But I've changed my tune, mindset and vibration. Somehow, I already know how this will go, I've never been so sure about something ever.  It's time to begin the journey of my creative self. 

Let's start by showing a brutha some LUV and share if you care.

https://www.youtube.com/@benbseattle

Your confidant,

Ben B Nguyen

Rescued Scots Pine tree progression into a Bonsai #bonsai #scotspinebonsai